my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
