So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
