what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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