His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
