This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
