Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
