she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
