An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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