shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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