remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
