sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
