I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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