: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
