Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
