Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
