john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
