Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
