Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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