help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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