I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
