I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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