I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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