I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
