This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
