She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
