i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
