I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
if only i could text you this smell
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
