I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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