this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
