Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
