I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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