reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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