You made me cry and you don't even care
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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