I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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