btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
