Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
