My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
either way he was missing a nipple.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
