I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
