Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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