I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
