Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
