You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
