i just wanna soil my oats bro
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
