You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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