remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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