i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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