How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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