proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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