thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When did angry sex become our thing?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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