If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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