So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i now understand why vodka
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
