i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
