Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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