also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
