I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
